Still Alive

Yes I am still alive. Not that anyone is reading this blog anymore. But anyone who is still checking in from time to time, I will try to be more regular with posts. For those that don't know, I am doing clinical chaplaincy at a hospice in Indianapolis, and my wife and I are still "waiting" for the church planting to come into focus. I feel that God is teaching me to wait; to wait on his guidance.

My brother said something to me a while ago that has stuck with me; "Don't seek the vision, but the one the gives the vision".

So that is what this time is teaching me. What I desire is for whatever develops in the future to come from my relationship with God. So I foster this.

Some changes

I have grown bored with my blog. I know, I know, I haven't even been steady with posting on my blog, but maybe a blog face lift will catapult me into blogger consistency. Or maybe it is just another reason to blow some time. I dunno, but a change is here. This is a new template, and I am not too sure if I like it. It seems kind of Republican to me, and I was looking for something a little more liberal, but not too liberal. For now though, this will be it. If anyone knows of any good three column templates for blogger, let me know. I need to spend more time on my content than my looks though.

Bono on NBC

saw Bono on this video with Brian Williams. Pretty cool.
Make Poverty History.
http://img.video.msn.com/s/us/i/vlbg_msnbc.gif

the next step...

well, it has been almost a month since my last post and again I have not kept to my once a week plan. Oh well, for the two people that read this...forgive me.

Anyway, it has been an interesting week. About 5 years ago my wife and I began to have an interest in planting a church. If you don't know what this means, it is the starting of a church where there is presently no church; beginning from scratch to reach out with God's love and invite people to participate in what he is up to.

As many of you know we have pastored already existing churches for the past 4 years. These experiences have been both joy filled and pain filled. We made many mistakes and have seen many successes, but through it all this growing call to plant kept us uncomfortable where we were.

A few months ago we came to the point of our calling that we thought it was time to take a step of faith toward this growing desire to plant. We resigned our church in NC and in faith moved to Indianapolis IN, where we felt God was taking us to plant. We had no idea where I would work, where we would live, or what would happen. God came through on all of this and provided a way. And as many of you know I am now a Hospice Chaplain, which has given me the opportunity to grow in ministry in a different context.

As a part of this move, we also were deciding whether we were going to plant a church in our present denomination, The Wesleyan Church, or if we were going to do something different. Any of you who know me know that I am not a "denominational type of person", yet God had not released me from this organization. I had become rather discouraged with some aspects of the denomination and had all but decided about two weeks ago that I was going to go another way.

However, The Wesleyan church recognized our desire to plant a church and invested in us to send us to a church planter's asessment seminar. That is what we did this week. I went into this time knowing the call to plant that had been growing, and filled with some anxiety about other people, denomination officials, telling me that wasn't real or wasn't there. So, I was not totally looking forward to this past week. But felt strongly that although I felt I was probably done with the Denomination that I should still go to the assessment.

So, Tif and I went. We went through three days of exercises, assessing questions, team projects, individual projects and teaching on what it means to plant a church. And let me tell you, I am so glad that God knows more than me. It was quite frankly one of the best experiences I hae had in ministry. I was anxious that they would tell me I didn't have the right stuff, but what I forgot was that the same God that was welling up in Tif and I this call to plant is the same God that led these assessors to see that call.

God opened my eyes on some things.

• First, the call he has been growing in me is from him, and he is in control of it. He showed that call to those who assessed us, and they saw what he saw. the past year in ministry has been a difficult one, with many people throwing nothing but negativity and struggle our way. It felt nice to hear from someone else that I wasn't crazy, that this thing that was growing in me was real and it was from God.
• Second, God is still at work in a mighty way in The Wesleyan Church. Some of the things I was frustrated about are still there, but through this week I saw the heart of much of the leadership of the church, and it is a missional heart to reach the others with the news that God loves them and wants to remake them and the world. I am excited to say that although I am not totally assured of the future, I feel comfortable being a Wesleyan Pastor, and for now I have changed my mind to plant within the Wesleyan Church.
• Third, this calling is bigger than the Wesleyan Church, and it is bigger than me. I layed in bed the other night realizing what it means to plant a church, and I came to the conclusion that I can't do it. There is no way. The only way it can be done is if God does it. The call is there and the realization that I am 100% dependent on the calling one to do what he is asking.
• Fourth, I need others. I met a bunch of great people this week that Tif and I are going to rely on in this process. Church planting is too tough to do alone and I want people to help. We are beginning to pray that God would send us a group of people to begin this effort with. Pray with us. Pray about coming yourself. I know it sounds huge, but God is good and his call is good.
• Lastly, I am beginning to feel that I am who I was created to be. Have you been in situations that just didn't fit you? I have for the last few years. I am beginning to feel the freedom of living in what I was created for. We have just started, but it does feel good.

We were assessed and recommended to the district as immediately ready to plant a church. Is that awesome or what! God is good, and why I continue to doubt him I don't know. But there it is. We believe it could be on the West side of Indianapolis, maybe Avon, but we are not sure. There has to be some things worked out first. Even so, we are open to where ever God leads us. Will you be open to. Maybe you are called to come help. There is no greater joy than following the call of God on your life.

I will keep you updated on the next steps.
pax.

the sacrament of the now

The word "sacrament" is misunderstood sometimes I think. For those of us who grew up in protestant churches, sacrament is something Catholic. For others, it is a term to argue over, to quibble over what a sacrament is, and what it isn't. We call the Eucharist/Lord's table and baptism sacraments, but then there are other things that we argue about. For me it simply means "something through which man meets Jesus, and recieves grace". Wesley called care for the poor a sacrament for in caring for the poor he met Jesus. I think I remember Jesus saying something similar. I think that the eucharist is special, as is baptism. But I think there are signs of Jesus and his redemption in all of his creation. Maybe these few special sacraments point us to see a sacramental world. Maybe we are to be living a sacramental lives rather than just waiting for sunday mornings. Maybe sunday morning communion in the elements should structure the rest of my life.

I love blogs because I can just empty my head and it doesn't matter whether my thoughts are organized or not.

holiness huh?

I don't have too long to blog this morning but I thought I would put some thoughts down that have been running through my head. These thoughts are about being a creation built in the image of God. What does that mean? N.T. Wright says that any 1st century Jew would have read the creation account in Genesis and instinctively known that the image language was referring to an ancient kingdom mindset, when the king who had conquered a foriegn land would place an image, or a sculpture of himself in the middle of the cities of that land, to be a visual reminder to all that lived there that there is a king ruling over this land.

Well, what does that mean for us. I simply apply that to my life and say that I am to reflect the king's values in this world. Easier said than done. And then that brings me to another thought. the Bible says that we are to be "holy as God is holy", yet I had always grown up in my church tradition thinking holiness is "right personal action and presentation". I believe my thoughts are starting to change with this. What if holiness is this image bearing stuff? What if to be holy is to be God-like, and that means to reflect God's values in this world, rather than try to be people who live religously for man's rules?

the longer it goes...

It is kind of like a friend you know that you should have called a long time ago. The longer you wait to call that friend, the harder it is to call. It isn't like you don't like the friend, it is just that you feel bad for not calling, so what do you do? You don't call. The days turn to weeks, the weeks to months. There it is, surely the friendship is hurt, right? What if I called now? What if I just did it? Oh well, I will go on not calling. Hopefully the friend won't hate me. Hopefully the friend has gone on with his life. What if he hasn't? What if he is steaming mad, and now he doesn't want to take my call? But...what if he is forgiving? What if he loves me so much that it doesn't matter how long I have put it off? What if he will be excited to hear from me despite my failure to talk to him? Is that possible? It doesn't seem so. That would have to be the perfect friend.

St. Francis' Prayer

It doesn't matter how many times I pray this in the daily office, it always cuts to the core of what I desire.

Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

Yet, I also see how far I have to go to live this out. Yahweh Help. If it is not from you it won't happen. Help me die to myself, my selfishness, my selfish desires, and my confused notions of priority. Help me to see your will, your vision of me and for me, and how to live within it.

Momma's Cake

I am writing this post from my Mom and Dad's house in Avon, Indiana, the state that we now call home. We have completed our move from North Carolina, and are excited to be back "home". Indiana has always seemed as if it was home. When Tif and I were in Seminary we always felt that is where we wanted to be long term. Our ministry visions always seemed to be tucked within the Hoosier context. It never has left us.

For years I tried to tell myself that it is just because that is where my family was, or that it was because that is what was familiar to me. I don't believe those things anymore. I believe this is where God has called us to be used. Used to plant a church that might not look like a church to most. Used to live with those I am called to pastor.

It won't be easy. I remember something about "a teacher in his home land". Good thing I am incapable. My inability to do what I am called compells me to lean on the one who is capable.

Well, I have to go, Momma's cake (choco-cake with syryp icing) is finished. There are perks to being home.

feeling intimidated

I have been feeling a little nervous and intimidated lately. We are in the process of moving from Asheville NC to Indianapolis IN, I have resigned my position as a denominational pastor for the vocation of chaplain to hospice patients and we are endeavoring to plant a church that is different than we have experienced so far. I am feeling intimidated.

I frequently look to the future and see my inability to accomplish the dreams that pop into my skull. I am not able to. That thought is hard. I hate failure. I have always been the person who errs on the side of safety rather than risk for the reason that I don't desire to fail. In fact, I hate it. Yet what we are doing now is a risk. It scares me to death, yet I am comfortable knowing that it is what God wants. I know I can't do it, yet I know it will come about.

Maybe that is where the freedom is. In accepting our inability. I am not talking about accepting our inability with low self esteem, rather with high self awareness. Awareness of who we are and more importantly, who God is. I think of Moses standing there first hearing God tell him that he desired for him to go to the most powerful man in the ANE and give him instructions to do something that would not be popular. Moses was incapable. God knew that, yet he still called him. Because he knew what he was going to do.

In the church I am leaving I have heard certain things said about their search for the next pastor. "We need someone with a strong personality"..."We need someone with extraordinary leadership capabilities"..."we need someone with great charisma". These statements are supported by all the Maxwellian church leadership ideas, but I wonder if what God really wants for a pastor to be is something different. What if what God really desires is not that someone be supremely competent but be totally surrendered to his competence.

I don't know. I just know I can't do it. If it is going to get done, I must be infused.

10 Things I hate about Moving

Just a few weeks away now from the final part of our move from NC to IN. Moving stinks. I have moved alot in the last 7 years. Every two years it seems. Not sure why that has happened, but I am ready to stop. I believe it will. Indiana is where we have been trying to get to, and it is where we are going. But I still hate moving. These are the 10 things I hate most about moving (not in any particular order)

1. packing boxes (really is annoying)
2. leaving good friends behind (really is sad)
3. having to call everyone to change your mailing address
4. unpacking boxes (again, really annoying)
5. getting familiar to a new house
6. trying to find that one thing you need that is in a box somewhere that hasn't been unpacked.
7. packing tape (that stuff is sticky)
8. Digging through dumpsters for boxes to use (don't even ask me about this one)
9. The general disaray of the house while getting ready to move.
10. Change

I am not complaining. I am happy to be moving. But it does have its down side.

A form of Grief

I am packing some books in my office in the church. I know it might seem kind of early since I will be here until April 2nd, but we have a busy schedule so I decided to spend some time packing some books. I really like my books. In a weird way they are a security to me. Maybe too much so.

As I pack, I am beginning to realize that I wont be a pastor any longer. Well, at least for a while as we navigate the church planting option. I wont preach on Sunday morning, which I love to do, I wont have a church office to go and read and study. I won't be the pastor in the parish, forming sermons, praying for parishoners, etc. I am sad. I am beginning to grieve.

I have been a pastor for just 7 years, but my identity is wrapped up in it. Now I will be a chaplain, which is awesome and will be fulfilling, but it isn't the same. For sure I am gaining something in this new challenge, but for sure I am losing something.

I don't know if it is the realization of what is happening...the many books that are reminding me of my calling...or Coldplay on the stereo, but I am definitely sad.

A Lack of Intentionality

I heard something interesting today, that although it was new to me, its truth seems like it has been inside me for a long time. It was a statement about procrastination. "The opposite of procrastination is intention".

I have always struggled with procrastination. I have beat myself up over it for years. I usually get things done (usually), but I continually wait until the last minute. I have told myself that this is just a part of my makeup, my personality. But, there is something inside of me that says that is not fully true.

So, what does it mean that procrastination's opposite is intentionality? The person who stated this to me told me that those that procrastinate are not intentional, and this could be for many different reasons. Maybe their afraid, maybe they are insecure, maybe they unsure of the future. What ever the reason, rather than jumping up and doing what needs to be done, they push it off, hide their head in the sand, and wait.

I don't like to be a procrastinator. I want to be intentional.

Update, by the way.

Just an update for those of you who have been missing my posts. There have been some changes in the Thomas household. As of April 2nd, I will no longer be pastor of Mt. Moriah Wesleyan Church in Candler, NC. Tif and I felt that we were just interims here, and God has led us to be in our home state of Indiana (Indianapolis), where we are wanting to start a new church endeavor.

I will be working for Covenant Hospice , a hospice out of Indianapolis. My job will be the spiritual care of the terminally ill patients within our hospice, as well their families. I think of this as a tremendous opportunity and privilege. I will begin April 10th.

We are also considering wether the Wesleyan Church is the long term fit for me. I have been in conversations with The Anglican Mission in America, and my friend Pete Matthews, but felt I needed to slow those conversations for now. I am unsure, but we know God is leading. So pray for us.

We are buying a house in the Speedway section of Indy (where the 500 track is), and are now beginning to remodel it for it is an older home.

Well, there you go...you are all caught up.

The Sacrifice of following a Jewish Rabbi

I am still getting in the swing of posting thoughts, so be patient.

It is 10:22 am, Sunday morning, and I am in my office waiting for the clock to tell me it is time to go meet with my faith community, worship, and preach the word God has given me. This morning the text comes from Matthew 10, and it is all about sacrifice as a follower of Jesus.

I don't think we Americans like the word sacrifice. Everything we do is to limit sacrifice. We are a consuming culture, addicted to consuming pleasure, comfort, and enjoyment. I believe this tendency did not stop at the front doors of the church either. This lack of sacrificial thinking is prevelant in our version of following Jesus. There is no wonder the "Health and WEalth" gospel sprung from our culture. We like to be full, fat, financed, and free. Sacrifice endangers this. So we must twist the gospel from one that calls us to follow in the footsteps of the suffering servant, to "God desires for you to be rich and healthy".

These verses in Matthew 10:22-25a fly in the face of this.
22All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
23 When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
24 "A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.
25 It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master.
What do we do with these verses? Were they meant for people other than us. Tell me what you think.

Guess who's back...back again...

Well it has been a while, and there have been many changes since I last posted. I probably have lost most of those 3 people who actually read my blog, but for anyone who cares, I am going to try and be more consistent in my virtual ramblings. So, welcome back to me.

Those of you who know me past my blog know that Tiffany, Cole and I have had some major changes over the past month. We will be moving from Candler, NC to Avon, IN (a suberb of Indianapolis) to endeavor to plant an emerging church in the Wesleyan tradition. I have had church planting in my heart for a while, and we feel God is leading us to this. Please pray as we begin this trek, which is one of faith. I will be letting you know about what is going on, but I wanted to at least let you know I am back...back again.