feeling intimidated

I have been feeling a little nervous and intimidated lately. We are in the process of moving from Asheville NC to Indianapolis IN, I have resigned my position as a denominational pastor for the vocation of chaplain to hospice patients and we are endeavoring to plant a church that is different than we have experienced so far. I am feeling intimidated.

I frequently look to the future and see my inability to accomplish the dreams that pop into my skull. I am not able to. That thought is hard. I hate failure. I have always been the person who errs on the side of safety rather than risk for the reason that I don't desire to fail. In fact, I hate it. Yet what we are doing now is a risk. It scares me to death, yet I am comfortable knowing that it is what God wants. I know I can't do it, yet I know it will come about.

Maybe that is where the freedom is. In accepting our inability. I am not talking about accepting our inability with low self esteem, rather with high self awareness. Awareness of who we are and more importantly, who God is. I think of Moses standing there first hearing God tell him that he desired for him to go to the most powerful man in the ANE and give him instructions to do something that would not be popular. Moses was incapable. God knew that, yet he still called him. Because he knew what he was going to do.

In the church I am leaving I have heard certain things said about their search for the next pastor. "We need someone with a strong personality"..."We need someone with extraordinary leadership capabilities"..."we need someone with great charisma". These statements are supported by all the Maxwellian church leadership ideas, but I wonder if what God really wants for a pastor to be is something different. What if what God really desires is not that someone be supremely competent but be totally surrendered to his competence.

I don't know. I just know I can't do it. If it is going to get done, I must be infused.

10 Things I hate about Moving

Just a few weeks away now from the final part of our move from NC to IN. Moving stinks. I have moved alot in the last 7 years. Every two years it seems. Not sure why that has happened, but I am ready to stop. I believe it will. Indiana is where we have been trying to get to, and it is where we are going. But I still hate moving. These are the 10 things I hate most about moving (not in any particular order)

1. packing boxes (really is annoying)
2. leaving good friends behind (really is sad)
3. having to call everyone to change your mailing address
4. unpacking boxes (again, really annoying)
5. getting familiar to a new house
6. trying to find that one thing you need that is in a box somewhere that hasn't been unpacked.
7. packing tape (that stuff is sticky)
8. Digging through dumpsters for boxes to use (don't even ask me about this one)
9. The general disaray of the house while getting ready to move.
10. Change

I am not complaining. I am happy to be moving. But it does have its down side.

A form of Grief

I am packing some books in my office in the church. I know it might seem kind of early since I will be here until April 2nd, but we have a busy schedule so I decided to spend some time packing some books. I really like my books. In a weird way they are a security to me. Maybe too much so.

As I pack, I am beginning to realize that I wont be a pastor any longer. Well, at least for a while as we navigate the church planting option. I wont preach on Sunday morning, which I love to do, I wont have a church office to go and read and study. I won't be the pastor in the parish, forming sermons, praying for parishoners, etc. I am sad. I am beginning to grieve.

I have been a pastor for just 7 years, but my identity is wrapped up in it. Now I will be a chaplain, which is awesome and will be fulfilling, but it isn't the same. For sure I am gaining something in this new challenge, but for sure I am losing something.

I don't know if it is the realization of what is happening...the many books that are reminding me of my calling...or Coldplay on the stereo, but I am definitely sad.

A Lack of Intentionality

I heard something interesting today, that although it was new to me, its truth seems like it has been inside me for a long time. It was a statement about procrastination. "The opposite of procrastination is intention".

I have always struggled with procrastination. I have beat myself up over it for years. I usually get things done (usually), but I continually wait until the last minute. I have told myself that this is just a part of my makeup, my personality. But, there is something inside of me that says that is not fully true.

So, what does it mean that procrastination's opposite is intentionality? The person who stated this to me told me that those that procrastinate are not intentional, and this could be for many different reasons. Maybe their afraid, maybe they are insecure, maybe they unsure of the future. What ever the reason, rather than jumping up and doing what needs to be done, they push it off, hide their head in the sand, and wait.

I don't like to be a procrastinator. I want to be intentional.

Update, by the way.

Just an update for those of you who have been missing my posts. There have been some changes in the Thomas household. As of April 2nd, I will no longer be pastor of Mt. Moriah Wesleyan Church in Candler, NC. Tif and I felt that we were just interims here, and God has led us to be in our home state of Indiana (Indianapolis), where we are wanting to start a new church endeavor.

I will be working for Covenant Hospice , a hospice out of Indianapolis. My job will be the spiritual care of the terminally ill patients within our hospice, as well their families. I think of this as a tremendous opportunity and privilege. I will begin April 10th.

We are also considering wether the Wesleyan Church is the long term fit for me. I have been in conversations with The Anglican Mission in America, and my friend Pete Matthews, but felt I needed to slow those conversations for now. I am unsure, but we know God is leading. So pray for us.

We are buying a house in the Speedway section of Indy (where the 500 track is), and are now beginning to remodel it for it is an older home.

Well, there you go...you are all caught up.

The Sacrifice of following a Jewish Rabbi

I am still getting in the swing of posting thoughts, so be patient.

It is 10:22 am, Sunday morning, and I am in my office waiting for the clock to tell me it is time to go meet with my faith community, worship, and preach the word God has given me. This morning the text comes from Matthew 10, and it is all about sacrifice as a follower of Jesus.

I don't think we Americans like the word sacrifice. Everything we do is to limit sacrifice. We are a consuming culture, addicted to consuming pleasure, comfort, and enjoyment. I believe this tendency did not stop at the front doors of the church either. This lack of sacrificial thinking is prevelant in our version of following Jesus. There is no wonder the "Health and WEalth" gospel sprung from our culture. We like to be full, fat, financed, and free. Sacrifice endangers this. So we must twist the gospel from one that calls us to follow in the footsteps of the suffering servant, to "God desires for you to be rich and healthy".

These verses in Matthew 10:22-25a fly in the face of this.
22All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
23 When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
24 "A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.
25 It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master.
What do we do with these verses? Were they meant for people other than us. Tell me what you think.