Self Evaluation

We had a board meeting last night, and for me it was tough. In our denomination a church is run essentially by a board of lay people, elected by their fellow church members, that meet once a month. As pastor, I chair this committee, but I don't have much say over the decisions. Yes, of course, I do have the ability to give my opinion as the pastor, but other than that, when it comes to a vote, I am out of it. We have a good board. They are people that are passionate about their church, and they are not scared to make suggestions, notice problems, and take action.

For the last few months our board has recognized the lack of something in our church, and it is evident. Our tithing is at an all time low. We are lacking in volunteers to do the ministry. And there is a general low morale. As a pastor, when these things are brought up, I immediately take responsibility. For one, it has been mentioned in the meetings that this church had been pumped up for three years (before I came), and now we have nothing to be excited for. I try not to take things too personal, but that caught me square. What if that is right? What if morale and excitement comes back to me? I think it does; which sends me into self evaluation mode.

Evaluating yourself stinks. It stinks because you usually don't like what you see when you begin to evaluate yourself. Of course, we all do it on some level all the time, for if we didn't we would be a mess. But from time to time there comes a need for a pause, and a deep look into your performance, skills, and leadership qualities. You have to ask the questions that you don't want to hear the answers to. Have I been doing my job to the best of my abilities? Have I put all my effort in to the tasks of my job? And for a pastor, (an extremely unigue vocation by the way), there is a whole set of different questions. Have I been a good spiritual leader to this group of people? Have I prayed regularly for the church and for the people? Have I visited, and cared for the people? Has my leadership helped our hindered the church and its vision? Am I the leader for this community of faith?

These are tough questions. But they have to be asked. My tendency is to just keep going, because I don't want the discomfort of answering them. But if I am going to grow to be the pastor I need to be, and if this church is going to be the church it needs to be, we need self evaluation.

God, help me to not get in the way of your work in my life and in the life of this church. I pray that you would help me to lean on you and your spirit as I ask tough questions and seek honest answers. Help Mt. Moriah to pray for their future as well. And help us to follow your perfect will in all that we do. Amen.