Community is hard. It sucks at times quite frankly. To be in a community you have to risk yourself, offer your ideas, your heart, and at times it gets stomped. We humans let each other down, we trample on each other's feelings, selfishly at times looking out for ourselves first. I have done it, so have you. We are hard to live with, talk to, and to love. Yet, we are called to do it. To be a community. Not a group of Christians who are loosely connected by a certain hour of music and preachign on Sunday A.M., rather, a group that actually "shares life together".
I don't know if I failed kindergarten, I don't think I did. In fact I can remember Mrs. Crabtree saying that I was a good kid. Ate too much of that yummy paste. But I "shared" well. What happen to me since then? I have gotten so selfish at times. I don't like to share my time, my money, my ideas, my dreams, my fears. All of that is MINE, not yours, and if I give to you, you will mess it up. But, what is that you say? I can't really know you unless I give myself to you? And you can't really know me until you give yourself to me? Well that sucks, because I know at some point you are going to let me down. As will I to you. But maybe the let down isn't what I should be avoiding. Maybe the letdown is the redemption point. Maybe what I should be avoiding is never being letdown or letting down.
All I know is that community is hard. But, with that said, I am dedicated to it. I want to be "known" by others, and I want to truly "know" them. I can't handle what is in my head and heart by myself. I need others. Letdowns and all.
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I turn 40 this month. As I thought about my deepest desire for my birthday I realized what I really wanted was some deep community time. Sharing with friends, laughing, maybe crying, receiving prayer. We so need each other--but you're right. Sometimes it brings a lot of pain.
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