the longer it goes...

It is kind of like a friend you know that you should have called a long time ago. The longer you wait to call that friend, the harder it is to call. It isn't like you don't like the friend, it is just that you feel bad for not calling, so what do you do? You don't call. The days turn to weeks, the weeks to months. There it is, surely the friendship is hurt, right? What if I called now? What if I just did it? Oh well, I will go on not calling. Hopefully the friend won't hate me. Hopefully the friend has gone on with his life. What if he hasn't? What if he is steaming mad, and now he doesn't want to take my call? But...what if he is forgiving? What if he loves me so much that it doesn't matter how long I have put it off? What if he will be excited to hear from me despite my failure to talk to him? Is that possible? It doesn't seem so. That would have to be the perfect friend.

St. Francis' Prayer

It doesn't matter how many times I pray this in the daily office, it always cuts to the core of what I desire.

Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

Yet, I also see how far I have to go to live this out. Yahweh Help. If it is not from you it won't happen. Help me die to myself, my selfishness, my selfish desires, and my confused notions of priority. Help me to see your will, your vision of me and for me, and how to live within it.

Momma's Cake

I am writing this post from my Mom and Dad's house in Avon, Indiana, the state that we now call home. We have completed our move from North Carolina, and are excited to be back "home". Indiana has always seemed as if it was home. When Tif and I were in Seminary we always felt that is where we wanted to be long term. Our ministry visions always seemed to be tucked within the Hoosier context. It never has left us.

For years I tried to tell myself that it is just because that is where my family was, or that it was because that is what was familiar to me. I don't believe those things anymore. I believe this is where God has called us to be used. Used to plant a church that might not look like a church to most. Used to live with those I am called to pastor.

It won't be easy. I remember something about "a teacher in his home land". Good thing I am incapable. My inability to do what I am called compells me to lean on the one who is capable.

Well, I have to go, Momma's cake (choco-cake with syryp icing) is finished. There are perks to being home.

feeling intimidated

I have been feeling a little nervous and intimidated lately. We are in the process of moving from Asheville NC to Indianapolis IN, I have resigned my position as a denominational pastor for the vocation of chaplain to hospice patients and we are endeavoring to plant a church that is different than we have experienced so far. I am feeling intimidated.

I frequently look to the future and see my inability to accomplish the dreams that pop into my skull. I am not able to. That thought is hard. I hate failure. I have always been the person who errs on the side of safety rather than risk for the reason that I don't desire to fail. In fact, I hate it. Yet what we are doing now is a risk. It scares me to death, yet I am comfortable knowing that it is what God wants. I know I can't do it, yet I know it will come about.

Maybe that is where the freedom is. In accepting our inability. I am not talking about accepting our inability with low self esteem, rather with high self awareness. Awareness of who we are and more importantly, who God is. I think of Moses standing there first hearing God tell him that he desired for him to go to the most powerful man in the ANE and give him instructions to do something that would not be popular. Moses was incapable. God knew that, yet he still called him. Because he knew what he was going to do.

In the church I am leaving I have heard certain things said about their search for the next pastor. "We need someone with a strong personality"..."We need someone with extraordinary leadership capabilities"..."we need someone with great charisma". These statements are supported by all the Maxwellian church leadership ideas, but I wonder if what God really wants for a pastor to be is something different. What if what God really desires is not that someone be supremely competent but be totally surrendered to his competence.

I don't know. I just know I can't do it. If it is going to get done, I must be infused.

10 Things I hate about Moving

Just a few weeks away now from the final part of our move from NC to IN. Moving stinks. I have moved alot in the last 7 years. Every two years it seems. Not sure why that has happened, but I am ready to stop. I believe it will. Indiana is where we have been trying to get to, and it is where we are going. But I still hate moving. These are the 10 things I hate most about moving (not in any particular order)

1. packing boxes (really is annoying)
2. leaving good friends behind (really is sad)
3. having to call everyone to change your mailing address
4. unpacking boxes (again, really annoying)
5. getting familiar to a new house
6. trying to find that one thing you need that is in a box somewhere that hasn't been unpacked.
7. packing tape (that stuff is sticky)
8. Digging through dumpsters for boxes to use (don't even ask me about this one)
9. The general disaray of the house while getting ready to move.
10. Change

I am not complaining. I am happy to be moving. But it does have its down side.

A form of Grief

I am packing some books in my office in the church. I know it might seem kind of early since I will be here until April 2nd, but we have a busy schedule so I decided to spend some time packing some books. I really like my books. In a weird way they are a security to me. Maybe too much so.

As I pack, I am beginning to realize that I wont be a pastor any longer. Well, at least for a while as we navigate the church planting option. I wont preach on Sunday morning, which I love to do, I wont have a church office to go and read and study. I won't be the pastor in the parish, forming sermons, praying for parishoners, etc. I am sad. I am beginning to grieve.

I have been a pastor for just 7 years, but my identity is wrapped up in it. Now I will be a chaplain, which is awesome and will be fulfilling, but it isn't the same. For sure I am gaining something in this new challenge, but for sure I am losing something.

I don't know if it is the realization of what is happening...the many books that are reminding me of my calling...or Coldplay on the stereo, but I am definitely sad.

A Lack of Intentionality

I heard something interesting today, that although it was new to me, its truth seems like it has been inside me for a long time. It was a statement about procrastination. "The opposite of procrastination is intention".

I have always struggled with procrastination. I have beat myself up over it for years. I usually get things done (usually), but I continually wait until the last minute. I have told myself that this is just a part of my makeup, my personality. But, there is something inside of me that says that is not fully true.

So, what does it mean that procrastination's opposite is intentionality? The person who stated this to me told me that those that procrastinate are not intentional, and this could be for many different reasons. Maybe their afraid, maybe they are insecure, maybe they unsure of the future. What ever the reason, rather than jumping up and doing what needs to be done, they push it off, hide their head in the sand, and wait.

I don't like to be a procrastinator. I want to be intentional.

Update, by the way.

Just an update for those of you who have been missing my posts. There have been some changes in the Thomas household. As of April 2nd, I will no longer be pastor of Mt. Moriah Wesleyan Church in Candler, NC. Tif and I felt that we were just interims here, and God has led us to be in our home state of Indiana (Indianapolis), where we are wanting to start a new church endeavor.

I will be working for Covenant Hospice , a hospice out of Indianapolis. My job will be the spiritual care of the terminally ill patients within our hospice, as well their families. I think of this as a tremendous opportunity and privilege. I will begin April 10th.

We are also considering wether the Wesleyan Church is the long term fit for me. I have been in conversations with The Anglican Mission in America, and my friend Pete Matthews, but felt I needed to slow those conversations for now. I am unsure, but we know God is leading. So pray for us.

We are buying a house in the Speedway section of Indy (where the 500 track is), and are now beginning to remodel it for it is an older home.

Well, there you go...you are all caught up.

The Sacrifice of following a Jewish Rabbi

I am still getting in the swing of posting thoughts, so be patient.

It is 10:22 am, Sunday morning, and I am in my office waiting for the clock to tell me it is time to go meet with my faith community, worship, and preach the word God has given me. This morning the text comes from Matthew 10, and it is all about sacrifice as a follower of Jesus.

I don't think we Americans like the word sacrifice. Everything we do is to limit sacrifice. We are a consuming culture, addicted to consuming pleasure, comfort, and enjoyment. I believe this tendency did not stop at the front doors of the church either. This lack of sacrificial thinking is prevelant in our version of following Jesus. There is no wonder the "Health and WEalth" gospel sprung from our culture. We like to be full, fat, financed, and free. Sacrifice endangers this. So we must twist the gospel from one that calls us to follow in the footsteps of the suffering servant, to "God desires for you to be rich and healthy".

These verses in Matthew 10:22-25a fly in the face of this.
22All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
23 When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
24 "A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.
25 It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master.
What do we do with these verses? Were they meant for people other than us. Tell me what you think.

Guess who's back...back again...

Well it has been a while, and there have been many changes since I last posted. I probably have lost most of those 3 people who actually read my blog, but for anyone who cares, I am going to try and be more consistent in my virtual ramblings. So, welcome back to me.

Those of you who know me past my blog know that Tiffany, Cole and I have had some major changes over the past month. We will be moving from Candler, NC to Avon, IN (a suberb of Indianapolis) to endeavor to plant an emerging church in the Wesleyan tradition. I have had church planting in my heart for a while, and we feel God is leading us to this. Please pray as we begin this trek, which is one of faith. I will be letting you know about what is going on, but I wanted to at least let you know I am back...back again.

A Season of Silence

Don't know why really, but I have been in a season of cyber-silence as far as blogging goes. I have heard from more experienced bloggers than myself that we all go through these times. Times when we don't feel much is worth putting on the blog. Or that we just need to be silent for a while. It has been over a month since my last post. Many things have happened since then, and I have had many good ideas about writing on the blog. I just couldn't bring myself to write.
That is ok though. It resembles life. We all go through seasons in life. Sometimes we go through "energetic" seasons where it seems like we are being more productive and useful than we ever have been. Sometimes we go through sad seasons, where life just seems to be colored with darker things in life. This is the winter of the soul. And sometimes we go through silent seasons. I guess thats where I have been. Not sure why.
I will try to be less silent. But, I don't know that I will, for I don't know if this season is over yet.
My personal season reminds me of the season of advent we are in. It must have seemed to many in Israel that God was silent for all those years. Sure, you had a few prophets preaching for God, but in a span of that much time, many probably lost hope of hearing from God in any meaningful way. And then there was the baby Jesus. He sure knows how to break the silence.
Merry Christmas to all of you.

Karsakov's Disease

I was reading the book, "The Man who thought his wife was a hat", written by Oliver Sacks, the same person who wrote "Awakenings", and I came across an interesting neurological condition that seems to illustrate the postmodern paradigm we live in. It is called Karsakov's Syndrome, where a person has no memory of who they are, or in other words, has lost their personal story. I am not an expert in neurological diseases (I can't even spell "neurological"), but when I read this I was struck with the seemingly obvious comparison with our present postmodern position (say that three times fast).
I spend a good bit of time outside of my church. Whether it be in hospitals, coffee shops, or other places, the one thing I am noticing is that people are hungry for a story. Rick Warren calls it a purpose; having a purpose for life. That is part of it, but it is more wholistic than just having a purpose. A purpose is something that is part of a story, but a story is the essence of meaning, where everything is born, and from which everything is sustained.
People with Karsakov's syndrome have the dreadful tendency to forget who they are and what they are doing. They will lose their whole personal story, and from scratch, have to make a new one up. You see, it is impossible to live without some sort of personal narrative. This is why they create one, for they couldn't live without some sort of identity; an identity that comes from a story.
This is the picture of many in our postmodern time. There is a hunger for a narrative that explains life, that gives it meaning. Many search for it in many different places, and in many different ways. yet, when they are dissapointed, they quickly forget the story they have taken on and put on something else. Christianity is just one of the stories offered to our Karsakov society. Yet, the story of Christ is the story of the world' s true meaning. It is the story that allows us to find who we are, and what this world we live in is all about.
Maybe the role of the church is not to "reach the lost", but share the story. Story...huh...sounds like "good news".

Sheep and the Goats

I have been preaching the lectionary lately. That is not normal for my faith tradition. Most pastors in my denomination don't even know what the lectionary is. I have come to love it.
The last three weeks the passages I have preached from are from Matthew 25. This weeks passage is the story of Jesus explaining what it will be like when he returns to this earth. The passage starts out with Jesus saying that he will seperate the sheep from the goats (the unfaithful from the faithful). I have heard and read this story many times. Although I have never preached on it specifically, I have heard it taught or preached from. It seems like each time I heard it preached from the emphasis of the speaker was placed wanting to be a "sheep" that was "in" rather than a "goat" that was out. I don't believe I've ever heard anyone follow the passage and Jesus' statement to see how Jesus differintiates between the sheep and the goats. Jesus actually tells those listening that he will be able to tell who are his followers because they fed the hungry, gave water to the thirsty, was hospitable to the stranger, clothed the naked, cared for the sick, and visited those in jail.
Is this a list of defining Christian characteristics according to the Christ himself? I know, I know, there are those of you out there that are getting nervous that I am saying that these things are what saves you...these acts of work. Well I am not, however, I am saying that Jesus seems to be saying here that he saves, but those that have truly been redeemed by him, will do these things. What does this say about me? What does this say about my faith community? What does this say about the church universal?
I don't want to be a goat, I want to be a good following sheep.

A Late Halloween Picture. There are more on the Pics pages, for those interested.

Barthian Wisdom

Saw this quote from Karl Barth, father of "Neo-Orthodoxy". Thought it was interesting

"Theology is a peculiarly beautiful discipline. Indeed, we can confidently say that it is the most beautiful of all disciplines. To find academic study distasteful is the mark of the Philistine. It is an extreme form of Philistinism to find, or to be able to find, theology distasteful. The theologian who labors without joy is not a theologian at all. Sulky faces, morose thoughts and boring ways of speaking are intolerable in this field."
-- Karl Barth

What do you think?

Hear the Voice of God so Tender

Read this today in the Daily Office. Thought it was beautiful.

Hear the voice of God, so tender,
gathering us in righteousness,
Giving, as our sure defender,
steadfast love and faithfulness.
Bless God's holy name together,
as the Spirit brings new life.
Giving, as our sure defender,
steadfast love and faithfulness.

God is healing and forgiving
creatures who are sore distressed,
Opening doors to hopeful living,
as, by love, we're daily blessed.
Bless God's holy name together,
as the Spirit brings new life.
Opening doors to hopeful living,
as, by love, we're daily blessed.

Listening to the Spirit's guiding,
breath beyond the written code,
we, in covenant abiding,
seek to write our letters bold.
Bless God's holy name together,
as the Spirit brings new life.
We, in covenant abiding,
seek to write our letters bold.

Shed the old wineskins of warfare
for the fresh new wines of peace,
knowing God sustains our welfare
with a love that will not cease.
Bless God's holy name together,
as the Spirit brings new life.
Knowing God sustains our welfare
with a love that will not cease.

Words: Lavon Bayler (20th C)
Music: Raquel (8.7.8.7.D.), Skinner Chávez-Melo (20thC)
Sequence: Cathouse Pandemonium, Ltd

How do you know you grew up in the 80's?

You know you grew up in the 80's when . . .

You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off."

You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer".

You can sing the McDonald's Big Mac, Filet-o-fish, quarter pounder, and French fry song.

You know who Mr. T is. You also know who Fat Albert is. And who was the boy in the pink mask?

You ever wore fluorescent, neon clothing.

You could breakdance, or wish you could.

You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.

You believed that "By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!"

Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away.

You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.

You wanted to be on Star Search.

You remember the garbage pail kids, and owned some.

You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout."

You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.

You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.

You remember and/or owned any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut or the Muppets glasses from McDonalds.

You knew who Ben Stein was before you could win his money -- "Bueller?"

You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins, ET, Dukes of Hazzard, Knight Rider, Strawberry Shortcake or A-Team lunch box.

You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.

You wore your Izod shirt with the collar up.

You had Wonder Woman or Superman underoos.

You had to come in the house when the street lights came on.

You owned, or knew somebody with a Commodore 64.

You hated Scrappy Doo.

You recorded songs off the radio with your boom box.

You have ever said, "Gag me with a spoon."

You remember the first time you went into a video store to rent a movie.

You still cannot go in to the water because of that movie, Jaws.

You remember life before minivans and SUVs.

Ministering for Results

I read something on Will Willimon's blog that created a pin prick of thought that soon became a flood. As a pastor, much like many other pastors, I love to see results in the ministry I am placed within. Whether it be a new family attending, or a new small group starting, I am jazzed by growth and results. On the other hand, when someone leaves the church, or there is a lack of visual results I am ready to throw my hands up. What if I am ministering for the wrong things? Results.

I wonder if ministry in this culture has been affected by this culture. "The bigger the better", the "flashier the finer", etc. Every three months I have to fill out a report to my denomination's district telling about results. What if I wrote this time, "I am not in it for these results"? What would they say. What is discipleship is something that doesn't produce quick results, but results that last a lifetime?

These are some of my discombobulated (is that a word?) thoughts about ministry and results.

Prayer

Read this poem by George Herbert on Ben Witherington's blog .

Prayer I


Prayer the Church's banquet, angel's age,
God's breath in man returning to his birth,
The soul in paraphrase, the heart in pilgrimage,
The Christian plummet sounding heav'n and earth;
Engine against the Almighty, sinner's tower,
Reversed thunder, Christ's side-piercing spear,
The six-days' world transposing in an hour,
A kind of tune, which all things hear and fear;
Softness and peace, and joy and love, and bliss,
Exalted manna, gladness of the best,
Heaven in ordinary, man well dressed,
The milky way, the bird of Paradise,
Church-bells beyond the stars heard,the soul's blood
The land of spices; something understood."

George Herbert

The Conflict of Community

Community is hard. It sucks at times quite frankly. To be in a community you have to risk yourself, offer your ideas, your heart, and at times it gets stomped. We humans let each other down, we trample on each other's feelings, selfishly at times looking out for ourselves first. I have done it, so have you. We are hard to live with, talk to, and to love. Yet, we are called to do it. To be a community. Not a group of Christians who are loosely connected by a certain hour of music and preachign on Sunday A.M., rather, a group that actually "shares life together".

I don't know if I failed kindergarten, I don't think I did. In fact I can remember Mrs. Crabtree saying that I was a good kid. Ate too much of that yummy paste. But I "shared" well. What happen to me since then? I have gotten so selfish at times. I don't like to share my time, my money, my ideas, my dreams, my fears. All of that is MINE, not yours, and if I give to you, you will mess it up. But, what is that you say? I can't really know you unless I give myself to you? And you can't really know me until you give yourself to me? Well that sucks, because I know at some point you are going to let me down. As will I to you. But maybe the let down isn't what I should be avoiding. Maybe the letdown is the redemption point. Maybe what I should be avoiding is never being letdown or letting down.

All I know is that community is hard. But, with that said, I am dedicated to it. I want to be "known" by others, and I want to truly "know" them. I can't handle what is in my head and heart by myself. I need others. Letdowns and all.